i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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