I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
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