I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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