he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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