im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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