Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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