btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
