I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
not ubering you a puppy
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