I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
