When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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