The maid of honor just puked.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
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