my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
