It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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