The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
