the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
