So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
