She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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