Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I can text with my tongue
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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