The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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