I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
