I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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