remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
only you would photoshop your dick
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
