I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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