used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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