Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
