I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
