You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
