Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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