I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
