How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
