So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
