Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
