I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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