Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
