How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
So squirting runs in the family.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
