hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
is wine microwaveable?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
