He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
