have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
