im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
a search helicopter?!
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Randomize
