am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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