Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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