I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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