This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I currently don't understand fingers.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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