I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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