Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
