I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I need a beard to bite.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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