I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
