He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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