the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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