Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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