I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
