4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
