So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
What a dumb baby whore.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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