Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
