Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
