the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
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I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
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This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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