I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
