I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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