Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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