The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
