Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
