if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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