he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
So apparently I’m into choking now
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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