On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
