can u get pink eye on your cock?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Randomize
