They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My orgasm happened in two different decades
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
