Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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