He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
