sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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