Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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