My room smells like vodka and shame
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
