If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
