I'm drive I can fine osifer
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
this hospital has no fireball
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
