I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
