Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I fill condoms, not promises.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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