the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
