There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
