Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Randomize
