my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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