so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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