Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
